@_SouthernMama

99% of my news comes from Twitter. All I know is that Adam Levine cooked a chicken in Nyquil and then called its body absurd?

@_SouthernMama

Can I get a refund on my kid? This one smiles and makes direct eye contact while she does exactly what I told her NOT to do.

@_SouthernMama

My manipulation started when I was young and I realized I could pretend to be asleep and someone would carry me to my bed.

@_SouthernMama

In an effort to drink more water, I started taking a sip of water every time one of my kids yells MOM. So far I’m at 7 gallons.

@_SouthernMama

The only time my kids and I actually agree on anything is when they try to roast me and I reply YO MAMA by accident.

@_SouthernMama

My secret talent is pushing all your buttons and helping you discover new buttons you didn’t know you had.

@_SouthernMama

I’m sorry for the plans I made when I was feeling sociable.

-me canceling my Dr appt

@_SouthernMama

I’m pretty certain the first nudist colonies were started by parents who refused to do any more laundry and said screw it, we’re all going naked. Cuz same.

@_SouthernMama

Snakes, cats, madagascar cockroaches, and my daughter all hiss when they’re angry. This seems like the form of self-care I’m missing.