@_SouthernMama

My manipulation started when I was young and I realized I could pretend to be asleep and someone would carry me to my bed.

@_SouthernMama

In an effort to drink more water, I started taking a sip of water every time one of my kids yells MOM. So far I’m at 7 gallons.

@_SouthernMama

The only time my kids and I actually agree on anything is when they try to roast me and I reply YO MAMA by accident.

@_SouthernMama

My secret talent is pushing all your buttons and helping you discover new buttons you didn’t know you had.

@_SouthernMama

I’m sorry for the plans I made when I was feeling sociable.

-me canceling my Dr appt

@_SouthernMama

I’m pretty certain the first nudist colonies were started by parents who refused to do any more laundry and said screw it, we’re all going naked. Cuz same.

@_SouthernMama

Snakes, cats, madagascar cockroaches, and my daughter all hiss when they’re angry. This seems like the form of self-care I’m missing.

@_SouthernMama

(Starts period)

Husband: OHHHH, so that’s why you’ve been such a b-

Me: WHAT!?

Him: What?

@_SouthernMama

I straightened my hair and wore my contacts. So according to all the 90s movies I’m unrecognizably hot now, right!?