I just apologized for sending someone a text using shouty font because I couldn’t remember the term “all caps”.
There’s a fine line between confidence and delusion and I ride that shit like a bear on a unicycle.
Sometimes I have my shit together, sometimes I eat an unidentified white substance out of my hair and am grateful when it’s frosting.
Facebook is down, so don’t say prayer doesn’t work.
I don’t always try to use big words but when I do, I accidentally tell a mother her toddler was a necrophiliac today instead of narcoleptic.
This could be us but you eatin’
I’m at my sexiest when I find the grown out patch of hair on the outside of my ankle I missed with the razor the last 17 times I shaved.
All it took was a skirt and one strong gust of wind and all of a sudden, my spirit animal is Hello Kitty.
Taught the 5yo to say “totes magotes” to annoy my husband who can’t figure out why the kid keeps yelling, “COACH MY GOATS, DAD!”
Hi, I’m Megan. You may know me from such public encounters with kids as “No, YOUR face is stupid” and “I didn’t trip you, you fell”.