@alispagnola

I just literally fell INSIDE a public toilet because I did too many squats earlier and couldn’t control my sitting down. This is the greatest proof I’ve ever had that fitness is not worth the struggle.

@alispagnola

“What character would I like to see throwing up in a parking lot?”

-How I pick my Halloween costume

@alispagnola

There are many different theories about why humans even need to sleep but I’m pretty sure it’s to charge our phones.

@alispagnola

I asked my friend what keeps her up at night. She answered, “helium.” Also, my friend is a balloon.