All these people casually jogging down the street, and then me, looking like I’m trying to pull an invisible dog sled.
Funny how this Target cashier says “Merry Christmas” like she’s not going to see me 50 more times between now & then.
“What state are we in now?”
-kids, 5 minutes into a 15-hour road trip
“Sorry I was skeptical about your cough.”
-my new line of Get Well cards
It’s not a family vacation until someone threatens to throw a prized possession from a moving vehicle.
Day 1,459 of my son acting shocked and aggrieved when I tell him to go brush his teeth before bed.
Cereal is a satisfying way to start the day if you’re having another breakfast within 45 minutes.
When did we get a dog?
-me, getting into the wrong gray minivan at Target
OTHER KIDS IN RESTAURANT: Restlessly coloring on a placemat waiting for food.
MY KIDS: Have already flipped over a booth & set it on fire.
One of my sons says he likes my new haircut, and the other will have to twirl a sign outside a Mattress Firm to pay for college, I guess.