@anerdonfire2

Look lady, you’ll find out why I brought a bib to our date as soon as the food gets here.

@anerdonfire2

The date abruptly ended when an argument over who’s the hottest Disney princess spiralled out of control.

@anerdonfire2

It turns out that you can only spray so many people down with Febreze before they fire you as a Wal Mart greeter.

@anerdonfire2

I make all guests at my house leave their phones at the door just because I know they’ll leave quicker that way.

@anerdonfire2

Apparently being a 45 year old man sitting on Santa’s lap demanding the heads of your enemies is just too much for some malls.

@anerdonfire2

Let’s just say she wasn’t impressed when I picked her up in my go-kart.

@anerdonfire2

Fun fact:

Wiping your nose on the person’s shoulder during a hug discourages future hugs.

@anerdonfire2

I’m sorry I ate your food but you just kept taking pics of it instead of eating it.

@anerdonfire2

As my mom finishes up cutting up my steak for me, I can’t help but notice that my date looks upset.

@anerdonfire2

I’m sorry I threw up on your kid but to be fair, he threw up on me first.