Is this one haunted?
What about that one?
“Ma’am, none of the booze is haunted”
What kind of wine and spirits store is this?!
*walks into interview*
Thanks for coming in today. I’m Mr. Maballsonya, but please call me Phil.
*walks out of interview*
My dad only says I love you on special occasions like birthdays, holidays, and competency hearings.
Keep salespeople from pestering you by asking what type of saw can cut through bone and sinew the quickest.
For a cat named Jingles, his tambourine accompaniment to my blistering bongo solo isn’t that impressive.
Witnessing a person attempt to use a word that is beyond their comprehension is like watching a dog eat a bee.
Pet names convey familiarity and endearment. For example, honey pot, baby cakes, Succubus.
Unreliable eye witness testimony is the reason chameleons are nature’s most elusive and successful serial killers.
Liven up any boring conversation by telling people you have a glass eye and then watch them try and figure out which one it is.
Killing spiders is easy and fulfilling if you imagine them whispering “You look fat in those pants”.