Morpheus: “You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and–”
Me: “Blue pill.”
Are you a cat person or a person person?
I see you’re busy. I’ll come back and ruin your free time.
“Space heater” is a pretty ambitious name. How about “shin warmer?”
Put your family down and pay attention to your phone.
You name it, my mother knows somebody who died of it.
A revolving door is an IQ test you can fail in public.
People used to dress as monsters for Halloween. Now they dress as characters from shows you don’t watch.
I imagine the hardest part of becoming a supervillain is getting your doctorate.
Making fun of someone’s age is like mocking them for getting hit by a train because you’re standing a little further down the tracks.