Joan of Arc was great, but nothing compared to her sister, Joan of Circumference, who was a much more rounded person.
A coworker just complained that nobody was talking to her and I really wish I had her kind of problems.
Teenaged girls post pics of their bodies and they’re ‘sexy.’
I post pics of my bodies and I’m a ‘Serial Killer.’
Took an exam on ancient Persian culture.
I passed with flying carpets.
Me : Here, I made you a ‘Best Hits of 2017’ CD.
Wife : This is an unopened blank CD-R.
Me : Correct.
Creature from outer space tries to elude financial officer who wants his money back.
– Alien Vs Creditor.
The plot thickens.
Mostly because my grave digger had no idea just how fat I was.
“I am the God of mischief in Norse mythology, but I don’t want too many people knowing about it”.
– Low key.
Dear People who like me,
I appreciate every single two of you.
[At my front door, speaking to a detective in my robe]
Me : Can I have my robe back, please?