eighth henchman to go after jackie chan: ok well he’s not going to kick EIGHT of us
the guy inventing artificial banana flavor: whatever close enough
the guy inventing artificial banana flavor: whatever close enough
i know what will make the other reindeer like rudolph more – a surprise promotion from the boss on the biggest night of the year
why do these women want to date pete davidson, a funny movie star, and not me, a guy who is whining
oh you don’t want my dog to bark at you? then why would you stand calmly within a 2 mile radius of my house
The Last Dance just keeps getting better
ME DURING BRITISH BAKE OFF EPISODE 01: so they just bake?
ME DURING BRITISH BAKE OFF EPISODE 10: alice better mind the claggy weather if she’s to produce a biscuit with a proper snap after disappointing paul with an garish proof on her loa
ME WATCHING SUCCESSION S01E01: so i guess these guys do business or something?
ME WATCHING SUCCESSION S02E10: roman’s bid to secure private funding would have won the proxy war but ultimately the capital wasn’t reliable enough to prevent the firm from h
instead of a movie based on a book, they should make a movie based on two books, like The Babysitters Fight Club
*neil degrasse tyson scoffing at his keyboard*
this bar is not in space
90s scientists: we cloned a sheep! we landed a robot on mars!
scientists today: for the last time, the earth is *round*
JK ROWLING: dumbledore and grindelwald had sex
ME: lol
JK ROWLING: so did you and dobby
ME: what
JK ROWLING: you will never feel love like that again
ME: stop