Hello Mr The Sun. I see you have once again lowered yourself to the exact height below my cars visor. Well played.
I bet the other causes of death are jealous of the number one cause
My hips? Compulsive liars.
Her: I love pizza
Me: *trying to impress* they actually called me pizza face in middle school
My wife and I decided to have a no phones dinner date and now we can’t look at the menu.
You answer the door and see me calmly standing in front of you covered in a red viscus liquid. You scream before I can ask to borrow more ketchup for our slip’n slide.
One time I screamed so hard about a professional athlete not playing through an injury I blew out my back and couldn’t work for a week.
At what point were people buying hotcakes so fast it set the bar?
Asking to see a psychics Wordle score before I pay them
When you feel down about your job just remember someone at google was forced to type out the entire lyrics to Hey Jude.
The Dark Web implies the existence of a Medium and dare I say Blonde Roast Web.
Airbud being shut down by the oppositions new defender, the vacuum.
Waiter: I’m sorry sir, we don’t have an appetizer called Jenga.
A bunch of termites in a trench coat: Then we..I mean I will have the salmon on the cedar plank, hold the salmon
“We have an idea for a video game. Picture a big gorilla on top of some metal framing hurling barrels at a plumber.”
That could not make any less sense. What’s the gorillas first name
“Donkey”
My mechanic told me I have to pick up my car by 5:00pm but there’s no way I’ll be strong enough by then.