My wife tells me we have an event at 5 PM that requires a suit. I’m antisocial enough to appreciate hiding behind several layers of cloth.
My wife is listening to an ad about chainsaws. I’m worried.
Yes, your honor, he was running from me in a threatening manner. I was in fear of my life.
What do people in non-baseball countries call second base?
Sometimes I look at my toast and wonder if Jesus is manifesting, or my toaster is channeling Charles Manson.
You know dystopia has arrived when Victoria’s Secret starts selling brass braziers.
Playing dead will not discourage an attacking vulture.
I’ll bet Medusa never got mosquito bites.
I created a series of recipes that cause diarrhea. I call them cleanses. It’s all about branding.
What’s the downside of being rude to your executioner?