@bingowings14

Me trying to fit a 4 finger kitkat in my mouth because I’ve just heard one of the kids approaching

@bingowings14

Alexa, find me a cat who’s hell bent on world domination just as soon as the weather picks up a bit.

@bingowings14

Reduce your kids intake of sugary, fizzy drinks by shaking up the can before handing it to them.

@bingowings14

Burgers, she wrote.

– Angela Lansbury before she goes shopping.

@bingowings14

Snail cop: So tell me about the sloth that attacked you.
Snail: It all happened so fast.

@bingowings14

First they came for the people who loaded the dishwasher incorrectly & I did not speak out.
Because they do my head in.

@bingowings14

I’m just a boy, standing in front of a printer wondering if he forgot to press something.