@brunopieroni

Not to jinx this, but last time there was a highly anticipated London wedding on TV, the groom said Rachel’s name instead.

@brunopieroni

I know it’s called Words With Friends, but the moment you play “QI” on a triple word spot, you just became my mortal enemy.

@brunopieroni

Nothing says “I’m stubborn” like owning a BlackBerry in 2013.

@brunopieroni

How to stop Facebook Live and Marketplace notifications:
1) Open Facebook app
2) Go to Settings
3) Throw your phone into a river

@brunopieroni

I’m starting a Kickstarter to bring a lion from Africa and let it loose in a dentist’s office.

@brunopieroni

That show “Catfish” should just be called “People Who Have Never Heard of Google.”

@brunopieroni

Just ran into Björk walking into her hjötel. Ljöking fjörward to her show at Pitchfjörk tjönight (hjöly shit my Icelandic is pjërfect).

@brunopieroni

No Amazon, I don’t want to sort stuff by “Price: High to Low,” who are the billionaires who would even make that an option?

@brunopieroni

Does WebMD ever just say “you’re fine, there’s nothing wrong with you, go play outside you drama queen?”