-me, trying to put my hand in a fake pocket for the 80th time today
how do we expect our kids to learn from our mistakes when we’re still out there buying too many bananas just like our parents did
non-fungible…that’s when you’re allergic to mushrooms right?
doctor: any allergies?
me, remembering the time a loaf of frozen bread fell on my head: gluten.
i like to buy frozen diced onions…gives me extra time to cry about other things while i cook
my kindergarten teacher taught me to always put glitter in cards when i mail them. in case you’re wondering why i’m so diabolical