Every classic folk song is just dubstep turned inward
Snakes have both zero chill and tons of chill because I start freaking out when a piece of food takes a second to go down my esophagus and they feel that every time they eat and it’s not an almond it’s a mouse, oh snakes I wish you such peace
I couldn’t afford an engagement ring so I just poured a can of spaghettios on her hand
People like to say “nice beard” to me but then start backing away while I go through my washing/conditioning/oiling/brushing regimen with increasing volume and fervor
I dunno, I guess it started when my parents got married in a gazebo
I took a girlfriend to a fancy bakery for Valentine’s and she picked out a bunch of things that she then gave to her dad because she said sugary baked goods gave her yeast infections, so really I treated her dad to a really nice Valentine’s Day
Sorry I fell in love when you did your flailing arms dance
If someone invites you to their large country house with lands, say thanks.