@cookie_mumbles

[invention of spaghetti]

Inventor: i made them very long

Wife: they still fit in a pot though right?

Inventor: lol no why

@cookie_mumbles

Her: draw me like one of your French girls

Me, seductively: *puts her hand onto paper* this will be the perfect hand turkey

@cookie_mumbles

Had my mom call me to get out of a meeting, but now I’m stuck in a call with my mom

@cookie_mumbles

Boss: It’s a make or break situation!

Me: I’ll take a break then tnx

@cookie_mumbles

Me: kill me now!

Murderer, from behind curtain: i was going to surprise you