@copymama

My daughter has decided she now eats dark chocolate, the one treat I never had to hide because I was the only one in the house who liked it.

Nothing is sacred.

@copymama

Moms have an amazing superpower: we can speak at full volume without anyone hearing us.

@copymama

One nice thing about my kids sleeping so late in the summer is that I save money on breakfast foods because it’s been completely eliminated from their diets.

@copymama

My kid not only replaced the toilet paper roll but put it on facing the right way, my parenting book is out this fall.

@copymama

[Kid Training Headquarters]

Kid Boss: When you get home, you must take off your shoes and throw them as far away from each other as possible
Kid Trainee: But shouldn’t we keep them togeth—
Kid Boss: SILENCE, FOOL! YOUR GOAL IS FOR THEM TO END UP IN SEPARATE ROOMS

@copymama

Early this morning a bird was chirping loudly at the same time that my husband was snoring and it was really sort of beautiful how they were pissing me off in harmony.

@copymama

My 9yo took the time to make this sign rather than just throwing the bag away herself, I’m gonna need a minute

@copymama

I still close the bathroom door when I’m home alone bc I don’t want the murderer to break in and see me on the toilet.

@copymama

I gave my 12yo a punishment and she asked if I could pick a different punishment, thereby demonstrating that she does not, in fact, grasp the concept of a punishment.

@copymama

At first I thought my daughter was sick because she was sluggish and laid on the couch on her phone all day, but then I realized those were just symptoms of day 4 of Christmas break.