@curlycomedy I miss the days of Agatha Christie when rich people only murdered each other.
@curlycomedy @curlycomedy All of my other appliances think the air fryer is an overachiever. Even the food processor and the blender are bonding over this, and they’ve been enemies for years.
@curlycomedy Landlordle – where the goal is to get your plumbing fixed, but you only get six chances to summon a super.
P L E E Z
T O D A Y
N E E D U
S U I N G ✅
@curlycomedy I honestly think we are asking too much of cauliflower.
@curlycomedy Fitness bloggers are like, “Just fill your cabinets with healthy food.” You mean my spice museums?!
@curlycomedy When someone begins, “With all due respect,” stop them right there, because that is as good as the sentence gets for you.
@curlycomedy If Die Hard isn’t a Christmas movie why do I spend the holidays hiding in the vents of my workplace?
@curlycomedy People who finish their entire stick of lip balm without losing it first should be the only ones allowed to have kids.
@curlycomedy The cheapest workout for your core is standing on the train without holding onto anything.
@curlycomedy White people don’t dance at concerts so they can save all their energy for the “Woo!” at the end of a song.