@curlycomedy

I miss the days of Agatha Christie when rich people only murdered each other.

@curlycomedy

All of my other appliances think the air fryer is an overachiever. Even the food processor and the blender are bonding over this, and they’ve been enemies for years.

@curlycomedy

Landlordle – where the goal is to get your plumbing fixed, but you only get six chances to summon a super.

P L E E Z

T O D A Y

N E E D U

S U I N G ✅

@curlycomedy

Fitness bloggers are like, “Just fill your cabinets with healthy food.” You mean my spice museums?!

@curlycomedy

White people don’t dance at concerts so they can save all their energy for the “Woo!” at the end of a song.

@curlycomedy

You never see baby pigeons because pigeons are cloned by the government. Next question.

@curlycomedy

When I say, “No problem,” I mean, “YOU REMEMBER THIS FAVOR FOREVER.”

@curlycomedy

I like when players of opposite teams hug after the game as if to say, “We’re all so very, very rich.”