@curlycomedy

Songs with lyrics like, “We don’t need sleep,” why are you rebelling against naps? What are you–four?

@curlycomedy

When people write, “your dumb,” maybe it’s not a typo–they just mean stupidity belongs to you. “Here’s your dumb now leave.”

@curlycomedy

The Katy Perry song that goes, “You’re hot and you’re cold,” was actually about a microwaveable burrito.

@curlycomedy

Someone accused me of spending too much time on the Internet. I don’t know what to say. I am so full of emoticons right now.

@curlycomedy

Clue is a wonderful game that teaches children about murder.

@curlycomedy

At a restaurant I thought a family was praying at the table but then I realized they were all texting.