having a teenager is fun because food that was in the kitchen when I went to bed is no longer there when I wake up.
if your day doesn’t start with chasing your neighbors chickens out of your yard are you even living your best life?
there are smart kids. Then there are my kids heating popsicles up in the microwave.
my kids can lose something i bought them for $20 and up and not even flinch but could lose a stick they found in the yard and cry about it for hours.
Hell hath no fury like a toddler just waking up from a nap.
I saw a banner by a local restaurant that told the community thanks for 30 great years and my mind thought “oh so since like 1960s they’ve been open” then I finished reading the banner “Since 1992”. well shit.
12 called me when he was out last week. i answered and he seriously goes “hi. this is seth. your son”. does he already think i have dementia? or worse..DO I AND I DON’T KNOW IT?
clean window: [exists]
toddlers: what’s that taste like
me: they recommend to relieve stress to walk away from your desk to take a walk
boss: ok but you’ve been gone for 4 days
[out in public]
12: did you know if you stick out your tongue and bite down on it you can’t breathe thru your nose?
me: [showing him he’s wrong]
12: now you look like an idiot
me: i hate kids man.