@ddsmidt *On death bed*
Me: I’ve killed…so many..* whole family gasps while gazing intently*
Me: …so many…DM Rooms
@ddsmidt @ddsmidt The nice thing about a garage sale is having people pay you to haul your junk away.
@ddsmidt Seriously guys, you have no idea how much nothing I can accomplish when I’m on Twitter.
@ddsmidt Hubs: *under breath* No, no, please noooo…
Me: *about to say “he’s right here” and hand him the phone*
@ddsmidt The rules of the universe clearly state – to find the cup of coffee you were drinking, you must first pour yourself a new cup of coffee.
@ddsmidt The rules of the universe clearly state – to find the cup of coffee you were drinking, you must first pour yourself a new cup of coffee.
@ddsmidt I had a dream I was making out with someone with really bad breath.
Judging by the look on my dog’s face, I’d say we had the same dream.
@ddsmidt Always use your best photos for your profile on FB.
Cause those are the photos the media will use if something horrible happens to you.
@ddsmidt Volunteer firefighter battles a house fire until 2 am and still goes to work at 6am.
Me: Wakes up at 7 am and contemplates whether to use a smiling or grinning emoji.
@ddsmidt I accidentally opened a survey and tried to close it. I got a message that said “please answer survey!”
You need to slow your roll there survey.