After all these years I still know how to make my husband moan loudly, I just ask him to do a chore around the house.
I never remember names, so name dropping is basically useless around me.
I hate it when some random company refers to me as their “customer.”
I’m like, look we had one night of drunken shopping, we are NOT in a relationship.
Put those painful memories somewhere the mind can’t see them.
Alcohol: *ears perk up*
Back in the day there was no Emoji for laughter. We had to write it out, like some sort of scribe.
My husband is a mumbler, but that doesn’t stop him from telling me I’m beautiful… I’m pretty sure that’s what he’s saying anyway.
It’s almost as if my husband actually believes I’m saving us money when I say “I got it on sale.”
Baseball glove $150. Baseball bat $250.
Uniform $120.
Cleats $100.
Having my son quit in his first week of little league practice … priceless
Hearing those four little words always makes my day.
“Your order just shipped.”
Don’t let anyone talk you into dropping a grudge. I quit carrying mine around and I’m pretty sure that’s when my arms got flabby.
Marriage license: Contractual agreement to laugh at your spouse’s same three bad jokes for life.
Judging by the bites I woke up with this morning, I got felt up by a spider last night.
Some people mow their yard at different angles and it looks really cool.
When I do it, my yard just looks like it fell asleep at a frat party.
I’ve been online shopping so much, lately Amazon welcomes me with “You again?”
My husband and I don’t keep score. Mostly because neither of us have that kind of memory capacity.