@eleniZarro

mom: I don’t like Alexa, why can’t people turn off their own lights

also my mom: good night 👏🏼👏🏼

[lights go out]

@eleniZarro

Nothing matters anymore so let’s bring back choreographed handshakes from 90s sitcoms

@eleniZarro

Stranger: ma’am do you need medical assistance?

Me: IT’S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I WORE HEELS OK?

@eleniZarro

Rock paper scissors but it’s just Dwayne Johnson scrapbooking

@eleniZarro

*10 min into new workout*
Me: are my knees supposed to make this screaming sound?

@eleniZarro

For the record when you are “freezing” I never need to feel your ice cold hands, I believe you

@eleniZarro

Want to binge on sugar but all I’ve got are gummy vitamins so I’m about to get mad healthy

@eleniZarro

me: just tell me what to do

universe: *gives me a clear sign*

me: well that could be for anybody