@eleniZarro

Why spend money on graduate school when my mom can give you the third degree for free

@eleniZarro

Mystery novels gave me unrealistic expectations of how often murders would be committed by butlers

@eleniZarro

Back to the gym after a lengthy hiatus and noticed they made everything heavier, weird

@eleniZarro

[Joining a gang]

me: so who do I stab for initiation?

members: again, this is a book club

@eleniZarro

me: I’m sorry, it’s over. I really thought we could make this work but we ran out of time together

veggies in my fridge:

@eleniZarro

People always ask Jesus to take the wheel but there were no cars back then so how good a driver can he really be

@eleniZarro

Amazon Review: Ghost costume

⭐☆☆☆☆
Do Not Recommend

Poorly constructed sheet blew away when industrial fan was turned on. I would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for those meddling kids.

@eleniZarro

You can’t stop yourself
If I say this is a haiku
You’ll count syllables

@eleniZarro

i slept so well last night

guy about to invent wind chimes: lemme fix that