@fillthevacuum

Why do we never see “Side effects may include spontaneous happiness, explosive giggling, uncontrollable hugging, and diarrhea”?

@fillthevacuum

Got out of the car and dropped my keys in the gutter. They landed next to my mind, which I thought I’d lost.

@fillthevacuum

“Here’s the problem… You’ve got a Pokémon up there”

– me, as a proctologist

@fillthevacuum

*died in your arms tonight*

*stuffed in your trunk tomorrow*

*buried in the woods the day after that*