@fillthevacuum *gives your eulogy after inhaling helium*
@fillthevacuum @fillthevacuum The vegetable crisper or as I call it, the cold garbage can.
@fillthevacuum Why do we never see “Side effects may include spontaneous happiness, explosive giggling, uncontrollable hugging, and diarrhea”?
@fillthevacuum Got out of the car and dropped my keys in the gutter. They landed next to my mind, which I thought I’d lost.
@fillthevacuum You’re the last hot dog on the rollers at 7-11 of people.
@fillthevacuum “Here’s the problem… You’ve got a Pokémon up there”
– me, as a proctologist
@fillthevacuum *watches a house fall on you*
*steals your shoes*
@fillthevacuum *died in your arms tonight*
*stuffed in your trunk tomorrow*
*buried in the woods the day after that*
@fillthevacuum Sorry for throwing mice at your wedding.
@fillthevacuum My heart hurts when you’re not around
*buuurrrrpp*
Never mind