@fuzzlime

I can’t grow flowers for shit but my old neglected potatoes in a grocery bag in the basement just grew legs and marched up here

@fuzzlime

too much pressure deciding when to look at a person walking towards me on the sidewalk

@fuzzlime

my biggest wish is that someday a bunch of people will say wow money really changed her

@fuzzlime

It’s saturday night you know what *that* means? right, cleaning toilets

@fuzzlime

I once dated a guy only because he had a cool hidden safe behind a painting in the hallway he kept the spare toilet paper rolls in there

@fuzzlime

last time I passed out on a Saturday night was when I sprayed too much bleach cleaner on the tub & forgot to open a window

@fuzzlime

Men fantasize about me, women want to be me and children obey me!
[wakes up on bathroom rug]

@fuzzlime

running feels great unless you compare it to not running

@fuzzlime

*butterfly climbing out of chrysalis*
oh my god I’m turning into my mother

@fuzzlime

god I hope there’s no such thing as reincarnation I’m way too tired to do this again