Interviewer: So, tell me a little about yourself.
Me: I’m very attracted to you right now.
I like to stand next to a stranger on the elevator and whisper, “I read what you said on the internet.”
A romcom where I go to stop you at the airport, except I go to Cinnabon & then forget why I’m at the airport.
In a crowded elevator, tell all the tall people they have to get in the back because you’re going to take a group photo.
The brownies I started making in my Easy Bake Oven in 1987 are ready if you guys want one.
Lord of the Rings is about a bunch of straight men fighting over jewelry.
I’ve worked at my job for 7 years & my boss still hasn’t noticed that I only give Magic 8-Ball responses to all of his questions.