@handsforkeys

Ain’t No Sunshine When She’s Gone(Absence of special lady creates cataclysmic world ending event)

@handsforkeys

Why isn’t there ghost dinosaurs? They didn’t all finish their business. They didn’t know the comet was coming.

@handsforkeys

It seems unrealistic that no two people in a movie almost ever have the same name. My screenplay, 12 Guys Named Mike, will address this.

@handsforkeys

Draw attention to your older tweets by being arrested on suspicion of multiple murders.

@handsforkeys

As a fan of Dirty Dancing I can only hope that when we go on holiday one of my daughters sleeps with a middle aged dance instructor.

@handsforkeys

My phone case doesn’t expose the logo on the back. So it could be anything. I could be speaking on two mirrors with foam in the middle.

@handsforkeys

Sheryl Crow: This ain’t no disco. This ain’t no country club either.

Sheryl Crow – The world’s worst archaeologist.