me, last week when it was dark in evenings: what is the point of anything
me a week later now there is light: I am so happy to be alive so I can eat fresh mango
I have to pick my dad up from work tonight, how the turntables. I wonder what embarrassing things I can do when I pull up to his place of business
don’t forget to look out for your single friends today! leave shallow bowls of water out around the garden so they stay hydrated! if you see one struggling try and feed it with a teaspoon of sugar water to help revive them!
I love Bounty but even I think this is cursed
One of my shoes has developed a squeak and now any walking I do has a slightly downcast Charlie Brown quality to it
If someone doesn’t reply to my text I can only assume they have fallen down a well and will get back to me as soon as they can
Sorry for referring to your baby as “ominous”, I didn’t realise you would hear me through the baby monitor
don’t talk to me until I’ve had my morning crab linguine
it was the best of times, it was the cursed of times
Trying to get home and now I have to complete a side quest
people that brag about not eating processed foods like, okay??? what are you eating when you’re depressed? a carrot? we’re all dying, grow up and eat a hot dog from the street like the rest of us, pathetic
does anyone want to marry me before this website dies, feels like my best shot x
wonder why hedge mazes fell out of fashion? we need to get to the centre of this issue.
a man walking his kids to school told me to “keep going” as I was running past as if I was about to lie down on the tarmac and give up without his intervention