
The filling in fortune cookies tastes like paper..

if i could choose one super power right now it would be the ability to delete my number from other people’s phones.

Peanut butter
You’re almost as good as chocolate
Which is almost as good as cheese
Which is tied with vodka-Poem about the food pyramid

I disagree with liquor store hours. It’s 8am..let me in.

Not to brag, but I parallel parked without hitting anything, taking 15 mins, or winding up on the sidewalk. No cars were around, but still.

*forgets to bring grocery list to the store*
I can handle this…
*comes home with cheese and bath salts*
Nailed it.