@hipstermermaid You raised me and taught me everything I know. Happy Father’s Day, internet.
@hipstermermaid @hipstermermaid AN OPEN LETTER TO COFFEE
Thanks.
@hipstermermaid Donald Trump is like the “Scream” movies in that he blurs the line between comedy and horror.
@hipstermermaid 1886: We invented a car!
1903: We invented a plane!
1969: We went to the moon!
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2015: Taco Emoji!
@hipstermermaid I can’t believe it’s already been 10 zoips since I invented my own system for measuring time.
@hipstermermaid *yawning at an art museum*
“I already saw that on Tumblr.”
@hipstermermaid I’m going to go to the gym and then to eat a Doritos Loco Taco, because I like to keep my body guessing whether or not I hate it.
@hipstermermaid A haunted house where they make you look at your checking account balance.
@hipstermermaid “My desires are… unconventional.”
“Show me.”
*opens door to a room full of memes*
@hipstermermaid The year is 2030: All corporations have merged and every night before bed you say a prayer to your cable company.