You raised me and taught me everything I know. Happy Father’s Day, internet.
AN OPEN LETTER TO COFFEE
Donald Trump is like the “Scream” movies in that he blurs the line between comedy and horror.
1886: We invented a car!
1903: We invented a plane!
1969: We went to the moon!
2015: Taco Emoji!
I can’t believe it’s already been 10 zoips since I invented my own system for measuring time.
*yawning at an art museum*
“I already saw that on Tumblr.”
I’m going to go to the gym and then to eat a Doritos Loco Taco, because I like to keep my body guessing whether or not I hate it.
A haunted house where they make you look at your checking account balance.
“My desires are… unconventional.”
*opens door to a room full of memes*
The year is 2030: All corporations have merged and every night before bed you say a prayer to your cable company.