@hipstermermaid

You raised me and taught me everything I know. Happy Father’s Day, internet.

@hipstermermaid

Donald Trump is like the “Scream” movies in that he blurs the line between comedy and horror.

@hipstermermaid

1886: We invented a car!
1903: We invented a plane!
1969: We went to the moon!






2015: Taco Emoji!

@hipstermermaid

I can’t believe it’s already been 10 zoips since I invented my own system for measuring time.

@hipstermermaid

I’m going to go to the gym and then to eat a Doritos Loco Taco, because I like to keep my body guessing whether or not I hate it.

@hipstermermaid

A haunted house where they make you look at your checking account balance.

@hipstermermaid

“My desires are… unconventional.”

“Show me.”

*opens door to a room full of memes*

@hipstermermaid

The year is 2030: All corporations have merged and every night before bed you say a prayer to your cable company.