@iAmJuddy

“Oooo, a window. Let’s see if I can fly through it.” – Dumbass birds

@iAmJuddy

Atheists certainly have a lot to say about the nothing they believe in.

@iAmJuddy

Wifey: We should get a chest freezer.

Me: We don’t need a freezer that big.

Wifey: What if we need to hide bodies?

Me: I love you.

@iAmJuddy

Chef: What kind of bread would you like? We have wheat, rye, white…

Me: Black bread.

Chef: We don’t have that.

Me: Racist.

@iAmJuddy

Next time you let someone here affect your real life, tell a stranger “I’m mad at some online person I’ve never met” then let them punch you

@iAmJuddy

Favorite question to ask a prospective boyfriend for my sister:

Have you ever seen a dead body?

*casually lifts shirt to expose .357*

@iAmJuddy

“It’s too early for porn.” Said no man ever.

@iAmJuddy

Currently accomplishing an astonishing amount of nothing, at a blistering rate.