@jilltwiss

Every woman’s deodorant is called Delicate Whisper and every man’s deodorant is called Beef Shazam!

@jilltwiss

One business idea I have is tell people you’re giving them plastic surgery but instead of giving them plastic surgery just let them sleep for 9 hours and then call it “subtle”

@jilltwiss

I still remember when my 10th grade English teacher told us we were going to have a special guest FOR WEEKS and then the special guest turned out to be him in a hat.