BREAKING: I am a medical miracle
After about two minutes I would definitely start to assume the clapping was sarcastic
Two glasses of wine and ordering online groceries is essentially clubbing and the bouncer is whether or not I know my credit card expiration date without standing up
Every woman’s deodorant is called Delicate Whisper and every man’s deodorant is called Beef Shazam!
One business idea I have is tell people you’re giving them plastic surgery but instead of giving them plastic surgery just let them sleep for 9 hours and then call it “subtle”
“Friends” ended in 2004 and had a reunion this week, which means the cicadas think it was on the whole time
As sorry as I feel for the man, I think the real victim was the guy who had to count the bees
I still remember when my 10th grade English teacher told us we were going to have a special guest FOR WEEKS and then the special guest turned out to be him in a hat.