@jojipaints

Couldn’t of?! COULDN’T OF?? Oh really? You could not of? Interesting.

@jojipaints

Episcopalian sounds like a drunk person trying to call a cat

@jojipaints

You ever walk behind someone and you haven’t seen their face yet but you just KNOW they have a mustache

@jojipaints

me: wow, so many robins! what a good omen

also me: there are robins everywhere, it’s not a sign

also also me: you can both be right!

fourth me: you guys talk too much

@jojipaints

[sitting on my couch eating matzah slathered in Nutella, watching Masterchef] wow I can’t believe he didn’t bake his cheesecake in a water bath

@jojipaints

If someone calls you a cutie pie, the correct response is “NO U.” Don’t reply with “thanks” who do you think you are

@jojipaints

Hey. I just… haven’t felt the same since I left you. I wish we could spend all day and night together, but that’s not healthy. For either of us. I don’t know where I’m going with this but I just wanted you to know I’m thinking about you. I miss you.

– texts to my bed

@jojipaints

My local spa has an oxygen room, which begs the question: what the heck is in all the other rooms?

@jojipaints

Appetizer is the Latin word meaning I’m hungry now and don’t wanna wait for big food