
If “surf and turf” didn’t rhyme, no restaurant would have the courage to let you order a steak and a lobster together as if it were one meal.
If “surf and turf” didn’t rhyme, no restaurant would have the courage to let you order a steak and a lobster together as if it were one meal.
One of my favorite lies to tell myself is that a blueberry muffin is substantially more nutritious than a chocolate chip muffin.
There’s nothing to stop you from whispering “I’m in!” like a hacker when you enter your own email password.
I hope Bitcoin is like Snapchat in that people stop talking about it before I have to learn what it is.
In retrospect, “Metallica” is a hilarious name for a metal band.
It’s like a Bob Dylan calling himself “Ol’ Folksy.”
Someone wished me a Happy Independence Day and I told him this is America, and we say Merry Christmas here, buddy.
Your Scooby Doo Villain Name is “old” plus your gender plus your last name.
Why do they call it “buckling a cranky baby into a car seat” and not “fasten the furious?”
(Is it still okay to do these given politics?)
“Why am I not asleep?” he thought, while shining a beam of pure information directly into his eyes from eight inches away.
Whenever I watch a home invasion thriller, I’m mostly terrified by how I’ll never be able to afford to own a home.