@joshgondelman If “surf and turf” didn’t rhyme, no restaurant would have the courage to let you order a steak and a lobster together as if it were one meal.
@joshgondelman @joshgondelman One of my favorite lies to tell myself is that a blueberry muffin is substantially more nutritious than a chocolate chip muffin.
@joshgondelman There’s nothing to stop you from whispering “I’m in!” like a hacker when you enter your own email password.
@joshgondelman I hope Bitcoin is like Snapchat in that people stop talking about it before I have to learn what it is.
@joshgondelman In retrospect, “Metallica” is a hilarious name for a metal band.
It’s like a Bob Dylan calling himself “Ol’ Folksy.”
@joshgondelman Someone wished me a Happy Independence Day and I told him this is America, and we say Merry Christmas here, buddy.
@joshgondelman Your Scooby Doo Villain Name is “old” plus your gender plus your last name.
@joshgondelman Why do they call it “buckling a cranky baby into a car seat” and not “fasten the furious?”
(Is it still okay to do these given politics?)
@joshgondelman “Why am I not asleep?” he thought, while shining a beam of pure information directly into his eyes from eight inches away.
@joshgondelman Whenever I watch a home invasion thriller, I’m mostly terrified by how I’ll never be able to afford to own a home.