@junejuly12 My friends are arguing about heating leftover pizza or eating it cold, and I’m over here wondering why they have leftover pizza.
@junejuly12 @junejuly12 If you tell your coworkers you sleep in the nude, no one bothers you when you close your office doors at 2pm every day.
@junejuly12 He said he wants to be my Sugar Daddy, and I thought awesome, I love cookies.
@junejuly12 I used a maternity leave to grow out my bangs.
And that is why she will always be my favourite child.
@junejuly12 Troubleshooting steps when your car won’t start in the morning:
1. Call in sick
2. Go back to bed
@junejuly12 Top 5 forms of torture
5. Sleep deprivation
4. Dentist drills
3. Solitary confinement
2. Water boarding
1. Cilantro
@junejuly12 Sorry I’m late but my goldfish needed a bath.
@junejuly12 Little known Chinese proverb – He who walks barefoot in a dog’s backyard will be sorry
@junejuly12 When she says she needs more intimacy; she means your feelings, not your colonoscopy report.
@junejuly12 Maybe the caveman who discovered fire was wearing corduroys and running late for a meeting.