I started calling all three of my children by their last name. You’d think that would increase my chances of one of them acknowledging me, but you’d be wrong.
Only when you have finished cleaning the entire kitchen, will a teenager appear from the basement with a weeks worth of dishes.
“We should get a bell so that when we need you we can just ring it” – my child, hiring me as his servant
Me: Please be still
3: Okay
Me: Please be still
3: Okay
Me: Please. Be. Still.
3: What is still?
At some point you’ll think you have this parenting thing figured out. Then your child will ask you to take the cheese off of their macaroni.
Me: Please drink your milk.
Me: Please drink your milk.
Me: Don’t forget about your milk.
Me: Have you drank your milk?
Me: Drink. Your. Milk.
3: Yuck, this milk is warm.
Me: What are you excited to see at the aquarium?
2: Giraffes!
Me: There’s only water animals there
2: Cows!
Me: I’m going to have a shower
3: I’ll give you two minutes
There are two types of children: those that get up in the middle of the night, and those who get up way too early. And they’re siblings.
Me: Goodnight, see you in the morning
3: Goodnight, see you in a minute
“Is chicken the animal spelled the same as chicken the food?”
– my child, about to be shook
The lid on our bottle of glitter is not childproof. I know this now.
3: Can I have another cheese slice?
Me: Sure.
3: I won’t squish this one in a ball and put it under the cushion.
“Butter is not play-dough”
– things I shouldn’t have to say
2: What’s for dinner?
Me: Pork, rice and peas.
2: No, what’s for MY dinner?
Me: That is YOUR dinner.
2: Then what am I going to eat?
Me: I just told you.
2: But I’m hungry!