@lawyerthoughts

Hi you’ve reached my voicemail, this is by far one of the absolute worst ways to get in touch with me….leave a message.

@lawyerthoughts

I need to work on controlling the look on my face when I’m listening to stupid people.

@lawyerthoughts

court: counsel why are you yelling your questions from back there?
me: i’ve got my phone plugged in back here your honor.

@lawyerthoughts

Them: sir there’s no food allowed in here.

Me: this is my service burrito.

@lawyerthoughts

Your honor? My client would like to address the court and ruin everything.

@lawyerthoughts

*throws phone over courthouse metal detector. catches phone on the other side. resumes conversation*

@lawyerthoughts

Dear law students: my opposing counsel just asked her witness how old she was when she turned 18. You’ll be fine.

@lawyerthoughts

First they ignore your fanny pack, then they laugh at your fanny pack, then they see you eat gummy bears from your fanny pack, then you win.

@lawyerthoughts

If your entire outfit can be purchased at a gas station it’s not appropriate for court.

@lawyerthoughts

Hey people who don’t understand sarcasm, what’s it like being so awesome?