@leftarmisme

Roses are red
Xanax is blue
When one just won’t work
Go ahead and take two

@leftarmisme

Much like Apple products, I also, am only compatible with myself.

@leftarmisme

*puts on pickle costume*
*gets stuck in pickle costume*
*calls friend*
Could you please help me?
I’ve gotten my myself into a pickle.

@leftarmisme

If Disney movies have taught me anything, it’s that the whole ENTIRE world speaks English. Including animals and inanimate objects.

@leftarmisme

If you care about someone,
even a little bit.
I beg of you.
Please.
TELL THEM WHEN THEY HAVE SOMETHING IN THEIR TEETH.

@leftarmisme

If both kids are screaming….

….both kids are alive.

It’s science