boss: WORKING HARD OR HARDLY WORKING?
cw: WORKING HARD OR HARDLY WORKING?
me: literally never talk to me gary
Passed a gym sign that said “Have those new yoga pants been to yoga yet?” and I feel personally attacked.
me: I ONLY GOT 3 HOURS OF SLEEP LAST NIGHT AND I FEEL GREAT MY BODY HAS FINALLY LEARNED TO EFFECTIVELY AND EFFICIENTLY USE ENERGY
me, 4 minutes later: o god i am dying
Female fishermen should be called Broadcasters.
I just said “haha omg I love your ugly sweater!” to my CW knowing full well it’s just one of her normal sweaters.
I’ll be really productive once I get some sleep!
well now it’s way too late to do anything
[someone breaks into the house]
Your dog: I will protect my family and our belongings
My dog: OMG OMG NEW FRIENDS HI I LOVE YOU LETS PLAY
my dog when its nice out: *jumps in pond, rolls in dirt, eats goose poo*
when raining: MADAM how DARE u take me into these AWFUL conditions
Welcome to “I HEARD THE CAT PUKE BUT DON’T KNOW WHERE” the game where your eyes try to find it before your feet do.
Kid: if you could turn invisible, what’s the first thing you would do?
Me: take a nap