Her: If someone gave you five dollars would y-
Me: Yes.
*walks into Forever 21*
*gets pulled aside*
Umm, we don’t really mean FOREVER.
A kickboxing class where you hit the bag with a baseball bat because I may have mild to moderate anger issues.
Fixing my grandma’s computer and I see that her search history is about seven various spellings of the name of the last guy I dated.
Ha, I told my brother that carbon had seven protons and he believed me. He was mean to me when we were kids.
I’m in awe of people who can pronounce camaraderie correctly the first, second or tenth time.
Go ahead, criticize my overprotective parenting but no gorillas were shot on my watch.
Hacker 1: She wrote her password recovery questions.
H2: So?
H1: “Fav Law of Thermodynamics?” There’s more than one?
H2: F this. Who’s next?
[Checking in at Comic Con]
Attendant: How long did you spend on your cosplay?
Me: Seven months
A: *Hands me a badge marked “Casual”*
“Huge hole found growing on surface of Sun”
*drops string cheese*
“This hole is no cause for alarm”
*picks up string cheese*
I secretly gave our Waffle House waitress a $100 tip and my family can’t figure out why she’s crying & hugging me & trying to get in our car
If only the person that named “walkie talkies” had been in charge of naming so many more household objects.