@lovemydogduck

I have an eating disorder. I’m about to eat dis order of pizza, dis order of fries and dis order of nuggets.

@lovemydogduck

I wonder how many calories you burn locking yourself out and having to climb in through a second story window.??

@lovemydogduck

Are designated drivers only for people who drink?? Coz I’ve already dropped my keys twice just walking to my car.

@lovemydogduck

During the day I don’t believe in ghosts, But at night I’m a little bit more open minded

@lovemydogduck

I could never succeed at chemistry. I Guess that’s why it’s called chemist “try”

@lovemydogduck

I really hate working late. My ride turns into a pumpkin and I always end up losing a shoe.

@lovemydogduck

Last year my ex and I dressed as opposing political parties for Halloween… best hate sex we ever had.

@lovemydogduck

My car lease is up and I have to return it back to the dealer today, so I’m practicing jumping out of a moving car.

@lovemydogduck

My best friend just ask me to be her maid of honor. What did I ever do to her???