STOP KILLING CHEETAHS TO MAKE CHEETOS
Looking for a nice bog witch to settle down with
It’s almost like those two bowls of chili made me sleepy
Me, pointing at your baby: Hey, your potato just barked at me
Who wants to listen to me eat an apple over the phone? No weirdos
One day you’re partying until last call and then before you know it you’re genuinely upset when someone parks in front of your house
The climate is probably out here trying to change for some man. Just be yourself, girl.
Your honor, this whole trial thing is really hurting my client’s feelings
Make friends at the park by telling strangers that you died in this exact spot 200 years ago today