Idea: “Celebrity Price Is Right” where Gwyneth Paltrow guesses that loaves of bread cost $460
Always a metermaid never a meter
My face is very symmetrical…over the x-axis 馃檨
party idea: “DUI or IUD?” u can only invite people who have one or both and u CAN’T divulge which
What do we want? A 2016 calendar! When do we want it? Late 2015!
Sometimes I sit on my hand till it’s numb so it feels like someone else is googling my name
There’s literally no way to know how many chameleons are in your house
Our scariest president was probably Rushmore, because he had four heads
After my ex and I broke up, I was in a really bad place (Florida)
Starbucks coffee is disgusting. First of all it tastes like soap, second of all u have to get it from dispensers in the BATHROOM????
Noah’s flood = God clearing his browser history
LEGALIZE MEDICINAL MURDER
With inflation, it would be Mambo No. 6.59 in 2013
“It’s not you, it’s me.” – Humidity, to Heat
My face is very symmetrical…over the x-axis 馃檨