@metickleu

It feels so good on a cold morning, a hoodie fresh from the dryer…

@metickleu

I’m surviving this massive amount of “family time” by pretending they are mental patients and I’m their case manager.

@metickleu

A police officer came up to me yesterday and asked, Where were you between four and five?

I said, Kindergarten.

@metickleu

I bought a umbrella today and it started raining almost immediately. I’m heading to buy a box of condoms…

@metickleu

Help your friends with their diet, replace the light in the fridge with a airhorn.