Why don’t we just stick an “a” in there and finally start calling it what it is…. “Moanday”
One minute she’s saying “put yourself in my shoes” and the next it’s all “well you’ve gone and ruined them now, you idiot”
after watching what feels like 73 Fast and Furious movies… no one fills up with petrol, do those cars run on hopes and dreams
Not saying I say dumb things when
I’m nervous but I once asked a date “so what’s new in history?” When she told me she taught it to kids.
I hate when you meet a new person and you like them, I mean I’m maxed out with 3 friends right now and having a 4th just seems like it’ll eat into nap time
I think
Therefore I am
Tongue tied
My therapist insisted i try something new each week…
…so i haven’t paid her
Now we wait…
I don’t know much about friends with benefits but i’m always carrying a snack or two if that counts
So what I ate my salad with a spoon, lf you give me a second date and i’ll show you how I tackle soup
The Scream movies were believable in the 90’s but c’mon, no one with any common sense answers unknown numbers on their phones anymore
Therapist: so when we run out of words or have nothing nice to say… we count to 10 and we?
Me: …hiss like a cat?
Hey! With the intention of somehow making you pay later for cheekily stealing those fries from me
“Ok i’ll bite”
*literally any cat i try to be nice to
[being murdered]
Me: hey Alexa, how about a little mood music over here
I’m not saying I was a gullible child but my sister once gave me a pair of scissors and said our grandma needed me to trim the carpet in her bedroom.