There’s panic and then there’s can’t-find-your-tampon-string-panic.
You’re 35 weeks pregnant and gonna make me do math?
Found my missing cardigan when my sister posted a FB pic of her wearing it.
I’m in line behind a lady with 100 coupons so come visit me in jail, OK?
I’m really good at acting like I’m sorry the elevator door is closing and you missed it.
A drop of roof water hit my face and I reacted like it was liquid herpes.
If you call & I don’t answer, I’m not dead, I’m napping.
– Things I have to say to my mom
Batman Begins Scrapbooking #AddaWordRuinaMovie
A Victoria’s Secret commercial will always come on when you’re elbow deep in a bag of Doritos.
YOU TWEETED 23 TIMES TODAY. RT @realDonaldTrump People ask me what I do in my free time. The answer–I don’t have any.
What kind of emotional tailspin causes people to “like” Lysol on Facebook?
Hey, people “liking” Walmart on Facebook – you OK?