me: *sees bags of soil stacked in garden center
brain: slap ‘em, slap ‘em hard
rapatouille
Day 137 of telling myself I’ll start working out as soon as my [body part] stops hurting
mousepads sound like groovy places for hip mice
I quit dating because I’m a germaphobe and also because my husband was getting annoyed
If doctors were truly empathetic they would wear backless gowns too
That awkward moment when mom says 3 is the perfect number of kids to have, but you’re her 4th
I don’t sit on the floor without a detailed plan on how to get back up
Notes to my My normal
kids teacher handwriting
Travel anxiety is like regular anxiety but with even more baggage
Never let kids google names of Pokémon characters unsupervised, Squirtle in particular
Never let kids google names of Pokémon characters unsupervised, Squirtle in particular
I need a pain relieving patch that covers my whole body
The opposite of itty bitty is bigly wiggly
How your email finds me