Took my son to see Spider-Man this weekend and he cried because I wouldn’t let him wear his costume because it was too cold. Plus, it was my turn.
Watching two people at work argue about who put the empty milk back in the fridge when it was me.
Dunno why mobsters are always threatening this. It looks lovely.
Dad, I think you need to pay the milk man. One of his goons is here
When people are flirting in the replies to your tweet.
Christ! How many beers did I have last night?!
My daughter lost her first tooth today and has not stopped crying since. Why she didn’t punch me back I have no idea
Parenting is a minefield. Just because they loved Hotel Transylvania doesn’t mean they’ll love The Shining. Lesson learned.