@nerdcula

So she was like, “Put on some protection”. I then pulled out & wore a yellow construction hat. We laughed & laughed & now I have herpes.

@nerdcula

You don’t know laziness until you rob a bank & choose to wait for the amount you stole to be announced on news rather than count it yourself

@nerdcula

I bet all the cool math nerds call each other algebros.

@nerdcula

Being a man in biblical times must’ve been hard. You’re busy then your wife says, “Someone parted the Red Sea & you’re here watching sheep.”

@nerdcula

*Arrives at ticket stall with my girl* Me: Two tickets to the movie please. Attendant: For The Hobbit? Me: No, that’s my girlfriend.

@nerdcula

What if Jesus actually walked on Walter and that whole water thing was a typo that no one corrected coz there was no Twitter?