@nevernicethings

Please stop inventing new slang words so quickly. I’m having trouble not becoming my grandmother.

@nevernicethings

Sure my whining and moaning is annoying now but when I’m a ghost it’ll be cool as hell.

@nevernicethings

I remember when people had the common decency to not look at you while you’re staring at them.

@nevernicethings

Don’t mess with me. I come from a generation that would walk to a mail box to mail a letter if we were angry enough with you.

@nevernicethings

I just show up at seances for the awkward, forced companionship holding hands around a table brings.

@nevernicethings

She said she liked a man with a mouth on him and I admitted that I too like someone with all their face parts.

@nevernicethings

*stays up all night watching true crime murder mysteries on tv*

*can’t come up with a good alibi why I’m late for work*

@nevernicethings

I just want to be rich enough one day to name my kid after an Australian mammal or something found in my spice rack.